Many readers email me each day. They typically have problems with the men in their lives. The truth that most of them don’t realize is that their emotionally unavailable man or narcissistic man has an undiagnosed syndrome, complex or disorder. Men often don’t seek diagnoses for these issues that have been an ingrained part of their personality since they were born. They want acceptance and a sense of belonging from their partners, and they are often as unable to get these things from his partner as she is unable to get emotional validation from him.
The disorders and complexes that these men have often range from schizotypal disorder to schizophrenia to Asperger’s Syndrome to Autism Spectrum Disorder. The traits, signs and symptoms of these disorders are often pervasive and elusive. No single set of traits can instantly diagnose someone who is on these spectrums. Their brains and their learning style are different, thus causing their partners great grief in trying to deal with them.
In interacting with these men, the women often suffer significant mental decline themselves. They are often put through verbal and emotional abuse. Their emotional needs are often not met by their partners. They fall into a depression, or they suffer from unrelenting anxiety about the relationship. They are never sure whether the relationship will thrive or fail. They are blamed by their family, partners, friends and coworkers for the failure of the relationship. Everyone else often seems completely clueless as to why they are complaining. After all, their spouse generally seems to be responsible and hardworking.
Both partners are at a loss as to how to connect, bond and interact with one another appropriately. If they do not know the source of their angst, they will continue to hurt each other, bicker and argue to the point of tearing each other apart. Each one’s emotional needs for love, acceptance and belonging are never realized. If they don’t figure out how to relate to one another, it is likely that they will end up splitting up or divorcing. The divorce rate of those with ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s and Schizoid/Schizotypal brain wiring is extremely high – 90% according to some sources. This means that only 10% of these men are able to make the relationship work with their partner. Both parties genuinely love one another, but they struggle to speak the same love languages.
The thought patterns, social skills and relational styles between these two are often significantly different from one another. The problem is that these two are very likely to pair together from the outset. The men who have a tendency towards ‘extreme male brain’ or overly masculine brain wiring are often visually oriented and visual learners.
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